Aw, man!
We missed the bus!
Who cares?
It's only school.
Only school?
Which will give me the tools to help fight
Disease, war, and poverty?
I'm just there marking time until I'm old enough
To buy lottery tickets.
8:01!
Oh, we're never going to make it on time now!
Oh, well.
We gave it our best shot.
Let's head to the mall.
You wanna cut school?!
Why not?
Look at you.
What do you do all day?
Schoolwork.
And what do you do when we get home?
Homework. And on the weekends?
Weekend work. There's no such thing
As weekend work.
That's it.
I'm taking you to the mall with me.
Norman, you know what to do.
I don't know about this.
Well, I do!
We'll kick back,
Eat a cookie the size of your head,
And have a great time.
Sometimes, you just gotta say,
What the hey?
♪ here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
Captioning made possible by abc cable networks group
London? Hmm?
I heard the big news.
Yes. It's true.
I just bought my thousandth pair of shoes!
No! Your father got remarried!
You call that news?
His bride made the cover of trophy wife.
Tell me all about it.
I wasn't there. He eloped.
Really?
Well, daddy doesn't like
To waste money on weddings.
He prefers to save it on more important things.
Divorce attorneys.
Oh, dear. Did I just hear you say
There's another new mrs. Tipton?
Uh-huh. Oh!
I wish I would've known.
I would've bought them
An extravagant gift.
Although the warranties on my last 2 gifts
Lasted longer than the marriages.
I don't get him anything.
He gets me a "sorry I got married again without telling you"
Charm for my bracelet.
Look! I've got 5 of them now.
They're all solid gold.
Oh! Ooh! Oh, can I try it on?
Sure. Here.
It's kind of heavy.
[laughs] it's--
[gasps]
First things first,
We have to call in sick.
Come on. I don't we've rehearsed this.
[phone rings]
[imitates carey] hello, this is carey martin.
Zack and cody are home sick today.
I tried a new tuna recipe,
And well,
They have a touch of food poisoning.
[coughs]
And a slight cough.
They should be back tomorrow.
That is just uncanny!
Thank you.
Now tuck in your shirt.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, zack!
Wait a minute.
What if someone sees us?
Just relax. I've never been caught.
You've done this before?
Once or twice.
Hey, zack! Hi, man!
What's up?
Maybe 3 times.
Cody, check it out!
Everything stinks is shooting a video here.
I love everything stinks!
Yeah, especially their scratch and sniff album.
And their lead singer, matisse.
She's spicy.
Hey! And there's a drawing
To be in their video.
Let's put our names in.
Fine. But just in case
They announce the winner on the radio,
I'm not going to use my real name.
Good thinking. Me neither.
So, what name did you use?
I'm wing lee. Who are you?
Cody martin.
I hate you.
Hey, guys.
Thanks for the call, zack.
You're skipping school, too?
Shh!
Some things we scream,
Some we whisper.
Excuse me, sir.
Ah, just a moment, young lady.
I'm brandi tipton.
I'm marion moseby. Hmm.
Welcome to the tipton,
Mrs. Tipton.
I'm looking for my new stepdaughter, london.
Let me escort you over to her.
Right this way.
Just so you know,
Your wedding gift is on backorder.
Oh! And I should be candid.
I only got you the 3-week warranty.
Brandi, this is london tipton.
London, this is--
London, it's so nice to meet you!
Your father's told me all about you.
Oh!
Moseby, why is this stranger hugging me?
She's your stepmother.
Moseby, why is my stepmother hugging me?
Because I love you, silly.
You just met me.
I know, but...
I already love you!
You're my daughter,
And you're perfect in every way!
Wait till you get to know her. [laughs]
I'm maddie.
London's friend.
Oh! I'm so happy to meet one of
London's little friends!
Well, I'm going to go check on your gift.
It's huge.
Honey, why aren't you in school right now?
Oh, the nuns are out of town.
Their team made the semi-finals in wrestling.
Sister dominic has a mean body slam.
Well, since you're off school,
It's my lucky day.
You and I can hang out, go to the spa,
And have some good mother-daughter fun.
I just wanna go up to your suite and freshen up.
That sounds horrible!
Are you kidding?
My mom's idea of mother-daughter fun
Is cleaning fish together
And making finger puppets out of the heads.
Come on, sweetie!
The elevator's here. [scoffs]
I know where the elevator is.
I'm invited to this gala tonight,
But I have absolutely nothing to wear!
Nothing to wear?
This closet is amazing!
[voice echoes]
I know. I love it.
I'm sure mr. Moseby will let you keep it,
Even when you're with us.
Excuse me?
You're coming to live with your father and me
So we can be a real family!
Excuse me?
Your father and I can't have you
Running around unsupervised.
You're barely 16.
You know,
When I was your age--
When was that? 20 minutes ago?
London, as your stepmother--
Listen, missy.
I've had earrings longer than daddy's had wives.
It'll be a cold day in...
Wherever it's always hot,
Ttle charms orders me around.
I will...
Not be talked to in that tone, young lady!
You will show your stepmother some respect!
I will show my stepmother the door!
That's it!
You leave me no choice!
You're grounded!
[gasps]
You may not go to that gala dinner,
And that's final.
Oh! We'll see about that.
[cell phone beeps] [sniffling]
Daddy?
Your new wife's being mean to me!
Oh, yeah, she's pretty, but--
Ok, I'll hold.
Williekins,
I had to ground our london.
It would mean an awful lot to me
If you backed me up on this.
Love you.
[cell phone beeps] hi, daddy.
I'm grounded?
[sniffles] but daddikins!
Fine. [cell phone beeps]
I hope you're happy.
A mother's never happy punishing her child.
Well, the child ain't so thrilled either.
Cody, you don't have to hide.
We're not going to get caught.
This is ridiculous.
I should just go.
I'm not having a good time.
You're not having a good time.
Look, cody.
I insist you do something fun.
Why don't you have a hot dog?
Give him a number 8!
Comin' up.
What's a number 8?
Oh, a hot dog with chili...
Cheese, sauerkraut, hot pepper,
Sweet pepper, stuffed with bacon,
Wrapped in ham, deep-fried,
With a light mustard dipping sauce.
Holy cow. [bell ringing]
We've got a number 8!
All: Number 8! Number 8!
Number 8! Number 8!
[cheers and applause]
Whoo!
Way to go.
This is delicious.
This is wacky wally--
[plays cartoon whistle]
From wzpz!
[honks horn]
Announcing our contest winner--
[triangle jingles]
Who will appear in the new everything stinks
Video, video, video!
Now, come on up here--
[imitates motor]
[imitates cymbal crash]
Wing lee!
Where's wing?
Cody! That's you!
You're wing!
Wing won?
I mean, I won?
I won!
You're wing lee?
You got a problem with that?
I got a problem with my girlfriend.
I don't care what your name is.
Hi, I'm matisse.
Lead singer of everything stinks.
[sighs]
[murmurs indistinctly]
Good thing it's not a speaking role.
This is the best day in my life.
I've met my dream girl,
And eaten deep-fried meat.
Nothing could ruin this day.
Hey, guys.
Isn't that your mom over there?
Except that!
Run!
London, come back!
I am not talking to you.
I've known you for 8 minutes,
And you've already grounded me.
Well, you deserved it.
[scoffs]
Girls, girls.
You two need to find some common ground.
Something you both like.
What's your favorite food?
Italian. Sushi.
What's your favorite animal?
Cat. Broccoli.
Ok.
Uh, your favorite activity?
Shopping. Shopping.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
We have a match!
You two can bond by shopping!
But...
She's grounded.
Well, then you'll only shop
On the ground floor.
Well...
I'm willing to try if london is.
Fine. But you've got to come.
Um, I'm working.
I'll buy you whatever you want.
Let's shop till we drop, girls!
What's mom doing here at the mall?
I don't know.
She works like, 2 hours a day.
She has to spend the rest of her life somewhere.
You two, again!
And who's that?
Your parole officer?
Well, I was thinking about buying that scarf,
But you can forget it now.
Pardon me.
I'll be right with you, ma'am.
Just as soon as I deal with--
I can't believe mom came in here.
She can't afford this stuff.
I should know. I do her taxes.
Whoa, that's a lot of numbers.
What do you suggest for a woman who's on a budget?
Marry a rich man? [chuckles]
Or, failing that,
Down the street, the 49 cent store.
[chuckles]
[knocks on door]
Hello? Is anyone in here?
[singsong voice] it's occupied.
I'm sorry.
It's all right, mom.
Ma'am!
Excuse me, do you have any other changing rooms?
Ooh!
Size 4.
Aren't we being a bit optimistic?
[chuckles]
Ok, you can buy whatever you want.
I can do that anyway.
But I can't.
Thanks, mom!
London tipton!
How great to see you!
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Ha ha ha!
Shall I throw everyone out of the store?
[chuckles]
Really. It's no bother.
Hi, girls.
Hi, carey.
You know her?
You two are friends?
[chuckles nervously]
Oh.
Love your hair.
[chuckles]
Any sparkling water?
Citrus or berry?
Surprise me.
Ok!
So is this one
Of your little high school friends?
No. This is my new mommy.
Wow.
Got your figure back already.
[laughs]
Nice to meet you.
Ah-choo!
I hope it's cold enough for you.
Well, did you hold it right next to your heart?
[laughs]
Straw? Coming right up.
That is so fun! [giggles]
When she comes back, tell her
I went to the 49 cent store.
Can we go now?
Now, london, be patient.
It's so hard to raise kids these days.
Raise me?
I've known you for a hour and a half.
Excuse us.
London, remember what sister dominic taught us?
About turning our anger into love?
How we have to reach out to others
And do nice things for them?
I don't want to do nice things for brandi!
I don't care about her. I'm talking about me!
Sort of cute things.
Oh, that's cute.
Oh! Maybe this one?
Oh, I love that one.
That was close!
That was fun!
The feeling you might get caught at any moment!
I know. Never wears off.
Hi, uh...
Wing. Ahem.
Congratulations on winning our contest.
Here's the director.
All right, now here's the deal.
You're playing a kid at the mall
Having the time of your life.
Think of something happy
To get yourself in the mood.
Like I've cut school for the first time,
Eaten a deep-fried hot dog,
And snuck away from my mother
Without her seeing me,
Giving me the biggest thrill of my life?
Yeah.
Places, people!
You know, all cody cared about this morning
Was heading to school.
Now look at him.
This is some of your best work ever!
I think I'm gonna cry.
Ahem.
Wow!
You like? I like!
Uh, I don't like.
It's far too revealing.
Oh, yeah, your mother's right.
That's not how my stepdaughter's going to dress.
Uh, yes, it is!
Look, I don't need you in my life.
What london means is--
I don't want you in my life.
And by that she means--
You're not my mother.
Look, I'm going to be around
For a long, long time.
Your father and I love each other.
That's what stepmother number one said.
Stepmother number 2 said they were soul mates.
And stepmother number 3 was gone
Before the charm was even finished.
You're just another one of these.
Places, people!
Roll camera! And...
Action!
[rock music plays]
♪ so emotional ♪
♪ so attached ♪
♪ just afraid ♪
♪ of backlash ♪
♪ so many things ♪
♪ that I need to say ♪
♪ thinking of them ♪
♪ in the same way ♪
♪ tell me why ♪
♪ does it have to be me ♪
♪ oh, why can't they just see ♪
♪ I like both of them ♪
Boy, do I love dancers.
Think I can get some digits?
♪ so feel better ♪
♪ just the two of them ♪
♪ waiting for me ♪
♪ just the two of them ♪
♪ that I really want to see ♪
Your mom's over there.
♪ my brain ♪
♪ why I can't I ♪
My mom?
I thought she'd left.
We've gotta warn cody. [no audio]
Cody!
Zack! What are you doing here?
Saving you!
Mom's back!
Mom! Uh-oh!
♪ just the two of them ♪
♪ waiting for me ♪
♪ just the two of them ♪
♪ that I really want to see ♪
♪ well, just the two of them ♪
♪ breaking my brain ♪
♪ why can't I ♪
♪ just pick one ♪
♪ nobody knows ♪
Cut!
This ain't my vision!
Are you ok, wing?
I'm sorry, wing?!
Let's get out of here!
Stop!
What are you guys doing here?
Mrs. Martin.
Well, I can see you've got some parenting to do.
And bob, I'll be calling your mother
To let her know how you spent your day.
In that case,
I better go pick her up something nice.
I'll go with you.
Yeah, not so fast.
Zack, I cannot believe that you cut school.
Cody, I really can't believe you.
What were you thinking?!
I was thinking zack was right.
I was a stick in the mud
Who only thought about homework and grades.
But today, today I had fun.
I said, what the hey?
And lived!
Ok! Yeah.
Uh-huh. Right.
Honey--
Hey! Hey!
Ok.
Sweetie, I'm very glad that you had fun.
And... [stammers]
Maybe zack does have a point.
Uh, I do?
So I guess we're off the hook.
Oh, honey, of course not.
You are in big trouble.
Walk.
[bell ringing]
I'm right here.
Uhh! I'm sorry. I'm just angry!
[bell rings]
At the bell?
At my stepmother.
Ah. Can you believe her?
Telling me what to do, like--like--
A parent? Well, she's not my parent!
No, she isn't, but she's trying
To have a relationship with you.
She's doing a lousy job!
Well, that may be, london,
But at least she's doing something
That the other 4 haven't. What?
She's trying.
Remember how number 3 just called you "that kid?"
Oh, yes. I remember her.
That woman.
Look, maybe brandi didn't get off to a great start,
But isn't it worth meeting her halfway?
I don't know.
And you never will.
Unless you give her a chance.
Ok, moseby.
Thanks.
You always know what to say.
[elevator dings]
Brandi!
Don't leave.
Look, I'm sorry about all the mean things
I said to you.
I didn't realize you were being annoying
Because you cared.
I guess I just got excited
About having a stepdaughter.
Well, how about we start by...
Just being friends?
I'd like that.
Boy, it's great being a mom.
Take a good look at the people in the lobby, boys,
For one month,ve lives, that means no movies,
No desserts, no television,
No music.
Cody, for you,
No reading for fun.
Don't worry.
I never read for fun.